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Wednesday, 11 December 2013 17:05

The world turned upside down

Written by Mike

When you hear the words, somehow they don't make sense.  Or its a mistake.  Or it applies to somebody else.  But hearing the words 'terminal' and 'cancer' and 'a few months' all in one sentence and applying to you is not what you want to hear.

The possibility had been rumbling around for a month or two.  I'd been ill off an on for over a year.  There was no doubt something was wrong with me, but every possibility to that point had been treatable.  Maybe without the highest quality of life, but treatable.

Suddenly I'm looking at not treatable, and short term.  As an active, mentally sharp 58 year old with lots of plans for the future, this wasn't how I envisaged my life.

My initial reaction was disbelief.  There's a mistake.  Something has been missed.  But as the barrage of tests continued (largely inconclusively) I had to face the reality.  There isn't a mistake, and I have to come to terms with it.

My second reaction was anger and bitterness.  Why me?  Why now?  In the great scheme of things, what have I done so wrong to deserve this?  I'm not religious, but I do believe 'God' is a miss-spelling of 'good' and that by treating my fellow human beings with respect and dignity I end up doing what I perceive to be right in any situation.

It's only now, some weeks later, that I'm beginning to come to terms with this.  There's no point in long or medium range thinking or planning, because I don't have a middle or long term.  My time horizon is now.  My concern is what can I do today to be happy?

More than ever, my theme tune is 'Always look on the bright side of life'.

I am allowing myself the luxury of two month ahead planning though.  Partly because I believe it'll take that long to get from where I am to where I'm going, and partly because it gives me something to work with to plan the last adventures before moving along.  I've always driven myself onwards with objectives, now they just need to be closer.

That's enough for now.  I'll be back to add to this story as it develops.  Watch out for updates on Facebook and Twitter as I post more news.

Last modified on Monday, 16 December 2013 19:09


Mike McCormac has been a photographer since about ten years old.  He's a Fellow of the Royal Photographic Society, and splits his time between living in Olney in the United Kingdom and a village in the hills near Paphos in Cyprus.

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